Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times.
Rita Rudner
I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
Rita Rudner
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
Rita Rudner
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
Rita Rudner
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
Rita Rudner
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
Rita Rudner
Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.
Rita Rudner
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
Rita Rudner
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
Rita Rudner
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
Rita Rudner
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
Rita Rudner
When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'
Rita Rudner
