Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.)
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Ambrose Bierce,The Devil's Dictionary
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
To be positive: To be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
